"I thought I was dumb"

Isn't she cute? We sure think so! This was the first day of second grade. She was so excited to go back to school. I hope it stays that way. You see Makinna has trouble learning to read. By the middle of second grade she was still reading at a beginning first grade level, despite the reading program, despite her hard work and ours and the teachers. So we decided to have her tested for a learning disability, you know nip it in the bud now and not wait until she's failing everything!
The results of the testing came back and said basically that she had "average intelligence" but "well below average reading skills" so they diagnosed her with a learning disability in reading. So I decided to break the news to Makinna and wasn't really sure how she would take it. I told her that she was just as smart as everyone else but she needed extra help in reading. She slowly looked up and me and a big grin covered her face ..."oh mom I thought I was just dumb!" My heart sank and I wanted to cry. All this time I thought she just didn't notice! But she did, she knew she was struggling and that most of her classmates were doing better than her. She never said a word.
Now we can get her help. Next Monday we have her IEP meeting to come up with a plan to help her. Ugggg!!! Two kids in "special education"!

Boys Will Be Boys (even autistic ones)

Sometimes I have to remind my self that Gage is a little boy first and an autistic little boy second. He likes all the things little boys like, cars, airplanes, motorcycles, mud and dirt.He likes to run and swing. He likes to tease his big sister. He likes to play with other kids, even if he really doesn't know how.
The problem comes with control. You see Gage really doesn't care if he does something he's not supposed to. He just knows he wants to and that's that! So I learn to pick my battles, really set boundaries on important issues, like safety and property damage and other peoples rights. But is it really worth the battle to tell Gage he can't make a mud puddle at the bottom of the slide in 80 degree weather? No not really, he is a boy after all and they love mud...besides he left me alone for a whole hour!

Going under the knife again

Well, next week Makinna is going to have her second surgery this year. Nothing major or life threatening. She is going to have her eye operated on again. Darn thing keeps drifting upward. Poor thing, every time it does it she squints her right eye closed. I call it her "pirate eye". Every time I see her squint I tell her "Arrrgg me hartys" Sometimes she does not find it funny.
But she has trouble with reading and the teacher says she is very well behaved but gets distracted easily. Well, if you were concentrating on a work sheet and all the sudden your vision just went blurry, wouldn't you have trouble concentrating?
I hope this surgery helps her out. I guess we'll find out.

Waiting For The Other Shoe.

Things have been so good lately. We seem to have a good balance with Gage's meds. He's been happy and cooperative for the most part. I've been hearing really good things from school about how good he's doing. Gage and Makinna have even been playing. Life is good. But for how long? I try to enjoy this but I'm afraid to get too comfortable with these changes because they can be gone with the wind at any moment.
My fears were realized last Saturday when Gage woke up in a mood. He was cranky, irritable, and whiny. My heart broke. "Here we go" I thought "back to the tantrums and the crying. I don't think I can handle it." I cried. I cried at the thought of losing my happy little boy to the whiny devil that gives me no rest. He did calm down for a party we went to and did well for trick or treat.
Sunday came and I woke up wondering what the day would bring. What little boy would come out of that room this morning? Turns out it was my sweet little boy. The regression had been just one day. Phew! I felt like I dodged a bullet. Maybe the tide is turning. Maybe God knew I just could not handle going backward. Maybe he was just having a bad day.

Deciding to get back in the Saddle

Well, I've been away from my blog for some time now. Truth be told I've been spending way too much time on Facebook. Many of my friends are there and I update life in a sentence or two daily, but it just isn't as cathartic as blogging. In my blog I can spell it all out, vent or celebrate. So I've decided to begin again. I've missed it. Plus it has spell check.

Crossroads

Gage is now 5 years old and kindergarten is looming on the horizon. All of his differences are staring me in the face. He has come so far in preschool, and lately his language has really taken off but its more and more obvious he is not a typical little boy. This was very apparent to me the other day when I took the kids to swimming lessons. All the preschoolers were lined up on the wall waiting their turn and listening to the teacher. I was holding Gage's hand and talking to a friend waiting for our class to start. Gage was jumping up and down, loudly saying "swimming lessons!" over and over and banging my forearm against his head. This behavior I am used to. Its really no big deal to me but up against all the other (younger) calmer, quieter, children, standing nicely he looked obviously....different.
I often wonder what other people think. Do they think "Oh obviously there is something wrong with that kid." or do they think "that lady must be a horrible parent, look how wild her son is, he just needs a good spanking" I wonder what they would do in my shoes. I wonder how many would just keep their son at home so they wouldn't have to deal with the looks and the exhausting behavior.
But my son deserves to learn to swim just as much as any other kid. He may even need to learn to swim more than other kids. I mean the boy has zero fear of the water and he is fast! Its nothing for him to jump into the deep end and when you get to him and bring him up, he's just laughing and wants to do it again.
I fear for elementary school. I wonder if he will have friends. I wonder if he'll be able to sit long enough to absorb what he needs to to learn.
Next week we will be making the long trek to Kennedy Kreiger Institutes Center For Autism and Related Disorders to meet with their psychiatrist. We are considering medication. Gage is consistently aggressive at home and at school. He has good and bad days but they are about equal. Its taken a lot for me to consider this. And now that we have the appointment he's having a "good" spell, and I wonder if we are doing the right thing. But is it fair to him not to try it? I mean can you really be happy always feeling like you have to jump around constantly, or not being able to control your urges to knock over your friends. How frustrating it must be for him to want to play with another kid and have no idea what to do so he grabs hold of the kids arm and squeezes hard only to be put in time out. He wants to play with other kids, he wants to talk to you and tell how he feels and what he wants. But it just seems that his body and brain are on overdrive and can't slow down long enough to figure it all out.
I guess we'll give meds a try if that's what the doctor recommends. All I know is that I am worn out, his dad is worn out, Makinna is half afraid of him and Gage doesn't act like hes happy. Something has to give.

Best Friends???

So Gage is not known for being gentle with animals,especially our cat Jack. In fact he is way too rough with him. He likes to carry him around and pull him out from under the bed by his tail...well you get the idea. So the other night Gage fell asleep in our bed and this is what I found when I came in to put him in his bed. I thought it was cute and took a picture. Then I showed the picture to Makinna, asking her if she thought it was cute. She says "Gee Mom thats the best I've ever seen those two get along!"
She cracks me up.

Makinna's surgery

So Makinna finally had her tonsils and adenoids out as well as tubes put in her ears. For years I have been after her doctor because the girl still drooled at 6 years old!!! Finally I said to him," I don't think she can breath through her nose." He finally gave me a referral to and ENT. The ENT found that she had fluid on both ears and some hearing loss because of this. He felt her adenoids and tonsils should come out.
Ok so last Friday she has the surgery. After the surgery was over the doctor came out to tell us how everything went. Well, evidently her adenoids were the worst he's ever seen, that had grown into her nasal passage, completely blocking her airway. He said there was no way she was breathing through her nose. She also had fluid on both ears.
Now here is my analysis...Makinna has been having trouble in school. She also is a very anxious and nervous kid. Well who the hell can blame her!!!?? She couldn't breath well, couldn't hear, and her glasses are always dirty! I did some research and found some studies that showed kids who were mouth breathers did worse on IQ tests. I also found a study that kids who had problems with their tonsils and adenoids improved in school after having them out.
And guess what!! Even with a very sore throat, she has hardly drooled since the surgery!
I wonder when her doctor will start listening to me.

Finally!!!

The kids love to play in the snow, especially Gage. Even if a flake is falling, Gage is at the door saying "snow snow!! Get jacket on!" So far this year we have had two ice storms, (yuck) and a few dustings. Just enough to tease the kids but not enough to have any fun in. So finally monday we got enough snow to have some fun. We got 4 inches at our house. The kids already had off school, and I had to take off work for the lack of a babysitter. I have to say we had a lot of fun. I even went sledding. Man I'm getting too old for this!

Potty tails

Whooo Hoo!!! We at last have some poopin on the potty success!!! Gage has peed on the potty with no help for almost a year now, but we have had no success with poopin'. New Years day Gage had the trots and he asked to go in the potty every time!! I was so excited. Now, its not been smooth sailing since then. It seems he would much rather poop in his pants, but after some screaming and fit throwing, promises of M&Ms (GFCF of course), and locking him in the bathroom with me for 30 min, we've had some more successes! Only one "accident" (I don't think "accident" is the proper term its more like "defiance") and that was on Daddy's watch. (Which made for a very grumpy Daddy)Well, this will be a process just like with every other kid. With perseverance and eagle eyes we should prevail. I am so done changing diapers.

Low cholesterol

Yup you read that right. Gage has low cholesterol! I had our DAN doctor check it after reading a study from Kennedy Kreiger Institute that a statistically significant number of autistic children in their study had low cholesterol. Now the study didn't say how this affected the children. But I do know that cholesterol (other that being hard to spell) is very important for neurological function. It helps make up the lining of the nerve cells and is important in the make up cells themselves.
So I am going to try to have Gage eat more eggs and the doctor is sending me a cholesterol supplement. Then in 6 weeks we have it checked again. Jeez I wonder what his cholesterol would be if he wasn't such a french fry junkie!

When good bread goes bad.

Ok so theres no chance of me quiting my day job! This is a loaf of GFCF bread I attempted to make from a mix. As you can tell it all went horribly wrong! I followed the directions and opened the oven after 50min to put the foil on so it wouldn't get too brown and the damn thing was about taking over my oven!!! And the thing is I'm not even sure its done on the inside!
Yikes I guess I need some more practice and an oven thermometer to make sure my oven is the right temp! Oh well I guess if its done I can cut it down for sandwiches. Its better than the moldy tapioca bread I got from the store!

Ch-ch-ch-changes!

Wow this fall is full of changes for our family!
First Gage. For Gage his preschool is now in the afternoon and the Kids Club is in the morning. So it is completely opposite of last year. He also has a new teacher this year as well.
Makinna is going into 1st grade! I can't believe how big she has gotten and how old she acts sometimes. She is just sprouting up before my eyes.
As for me....well I am going back to work full time (30 hours a week) for the first time since Makinna was born. I'll be working 5- 6 hour days. Its time I guess. I will be able to hold benefits for us. Since Wes got laid off and started his own business we have been buying our own health insurance and let me tell ya, they suck! So Gage and I leave at 7:30 in the morning for our 40 minute drive to the kids club and my neighbor puts Makinna on the bus.
And for Wes, well he is going to take Fridays off to watch Gage. I am excited about this because its about the right time for a little boy to spend more time with his dad.
So far its all been working out. I'm beat at the end of the week. Gage had some growing pains with his new schedule but is better with it now. And Makinna is going with the flow and loving 1st grade.

More Makinnaism

OK Makinna has been on a role for funny comments lately and I'd like to share two of them with you.

#1
Makinna: "So Mom you know Pluto isn't a planet anymore, so what is it, a moon or something?"
Me: "Um I think I heard somewhere that its a sub-planet"
Makinna: " Oh so like if one of the other planets is sick or takes a day off Pluto can substitute for them"


#2
Makinna received a box full of clothes from Grammy. In the box were two bikini bathing suits (Makinna has never had one before)
Makinna holds up the top to one bathing suit
Makinna: "Mommy this looks like the kind of bathing suit you put your boobies in"
Me:"yup that's what it is"
Makinna:" Well I think Grammy must have made a mistake because I don't have any boobies!"

That girl cracks me up!

Stupid things people say

Well I guess we are officially members of the club now. I've heard many other moms tell stories of stupid things people have said to them but have never had it happen. Well today it happened, not to me but to Wes.

We went to my niece's graduation party at my sisters house today, and took the kids of course. Well Wes got to talking to the neighbors about Gage and that he had autism. Well they are both teachers, which in their minds makes them experts in autism (insert eye roll here). As Gage went running off toward the fence Wes started after him and as he was walking away the woman says "Yea I just feel so blessed that both of our girls are so intelligent and beautiful"

Ummmm. OK I guess a kid with autism is ugly and stupid. It's probably good that I wasn't there because I probably would have made her feel very uncomfortable. I can't stand people who act like they know everything but in fact know nothing. It scares me that this woman teaches children. Wes was chasing after Gage and it didn't really register with him what she said until a few minutes later and the moment had passed.

Sigh.... there sure are some stupid idiots out there.... and they're teaching our kids....yikes!

Oh and just for fun I decided to add a picture of my stupid ugly kid. (insert sarcasm)

Taking the Summer Off.

There are 2 things that I have become overly obsessed with....autism and politics. Both subjects evoke strong emotions in me and both subjects have a wide variety of opinions. Over the last two years I have been immersed in both. I listen to talk radio in my car and frequent autism message boards while at home. I thought about both subjects all the time, sometimes getting all tied up in knots because of an view I didn't agree with.
Well fate, or God, or the universe recently intervened. First my ISP was down for 4 days, so no Internet and then we went away for 4 more days and no Internet. So I didn't frequent my message boards. Well I began to feel so much more relaxed. Second the radio in my car quit (thanks to Gage and some coins inserted in the CD player) So no more talk radio. Again I was feeling even more relaxed and less like I had a knot in my stomach.
So when we got back from our trip, I got on the computer and I thought "I don't' even want to go to that message board" So I've decided to take the summer off. I'm not listening to the radio or anything about politics. Now, it is an election year so this is very hard for me. But I already know who I'm going to vote for so any research is just for argument sake anyway. And I'm taking the summer off from autism. Gage will still get his interventions and therapy, but I'm going to concentrate on having fun with my kids, my daughter and my son. Not my daughter and my autistic son, but my daughter and my son.
I feel liberated and happy and content, I'm on summer vacation.

Makinna-isms

Today Makinna and I played hooky. She only had a half day and she had an eye doctors appt so I decided to just keep her home and we would have a "girls day" with no little brother.

Well as a treat we decided to go out to lunch at Applebees. In the restaurant they have framed pictures everywhere and this one is the one right at our table. I didn't notice it right away but when I did I was concerned about what Makinna would think of it, as she is a bit funny about "scary" stuff. After about 10 min I saw her look at and get a funny look on her face. She then looked all around the restaurant at all the other pictures. Then she leaned over to me and said very seriously and very quietly "Mommy...We're at the scary lady table!" I almost fell over I laughed so hard. I told her that they were not ladies but men in a rock band. She looked a little confused and said "well why are they dressed like ladies?" Again I almost lost my lunch!

If you know Makinna you know that she can go on and on about things. She talked all through lunch about the guys in the picture saying things like " I'm sure they are very old now and probably don't sing anymore" and my favorite "they are probably so old that if they tried to dance thier legs would break"

Having a 6yo definitly keeps you entertained.

Haveing some transition trouble

Gage goes through phases that he doesn't want to go to school. He screams and cries when he gets on the bus. We are going through one of those times right now.

Lately he has been especially attatched to me, screaming when the school bus comes. I don't know why this happens. I can't seem to identify any changes or triggers but it happens.

When he has bad days getting on the bus he often has bad days at school as well. This picture was taken at school by one of the aides. She emailed it to me. I think its kind of cute actually, cause I know this face well.

So I hope this phase soon passes. It always unnerves me to have to send Gage off on the school bus screaming, I just hate it.

Need a Worthwhile Charity to Donate to?

Many parents and families rely on grants from charities to help pay for therapy and treatment for autism since often insuance doesn't pay. We have applied for several. We have been turned down a couple of times because there are those out there in more need than us. We are currently waiting on a grant to help with Gage's ABA therapy.
Money for grants can't be given to families in need if no one donates. So I ran across this. A walk to raise money for the "Helping Hands Program" of the National Autism Association. Follow the link to learn about Elias and the people walking in his memory to help other families affected with autism.
http://www.nationalautismassociation.org/eliaswalk/
Thank you

"I'm In Here"

This is a song about autism. And it just struck a cord with me, so I decided to post it here on my blog for everyone else to view.
Enjoy!
http://www.ireport.com/docs/DOC-8018