Crossroads

Gage is now 5 years old and kindergarten is looming on the horizon. All of his differences are staring me in the face. He has come so far in preschool, and lately his language has really taken off but its more and more obvious he is not a typical little boy. This was very apparent to me the other day when I took the kids to swimming lessons. All the preschoolers were lined up on the wall waiting their turn and listening to the teacher. I was holding Gage's hand and talking to a friend waiting for our class to start. Gage was jumping up and down, loudly saying "swimming lessons!" over and over and banging my forearm against his head. This behavior I am used to. Its really no big deal to me but up against all the other (younger) calmer, quieter, children, standing nicely he looked obviously....different.
I often wonder what other people think. Do they think "Oh obviously there is something wrong with that kid." or do they think "that lady must be a horrible parent, look how wild her son is, he just needs a good spanking" I wonder what they would do in my shoes. I wonder how many would just keep their son at home so they wouldn't have to deal with the looks and the exhausting behavior.
But my son deserves to learn to swim just as much as any other kid. He may even need to learn to swim more than other kids. I mean the boy has zero fear of the water and he is fast! Its nothing for him to jump into the deep end and when you get to him and bring him up, he's just laughing and wants to do it again.
I fear for elementary school. I wonder if he will have friends. I wonder if he'll be able to sit long enough to absorb what he needs to to learn.
Next week we will be making the long trek to Kennedy Kreiger Institutes Center For Autism and Related Disorders to meet with their psychiatrist. We are considering medication. Gage is consistently aggressive at home and at school. He has good and bad days but they are about equal. Its taken a lot for me to consider this. And now that we have the appointment he's having a "good" spell, and I wonder if we are doing the right thing. But is it fair to him not to try it? I mean can you really be happy always feeling like you have to jump around constantly, or not being able to control your urges to knock over your friends. How frustrating it must be for him to want to play with another kid and have no idea what to do so he grabs hold of the kids arm and squeezes hard only to be put in time out. He wants to play with other kids, he wants to talk to you and tell how he feels and what he wants. But it just seems that his body and brain are on overdrive and can't slow down long enough to figure it all out.
I guess we'll give meds a try if that's what the doctor recommends. All I know is that I am worn out, his dad is worn out, Makinna is half afraid of him and Gage doesn't act like hes happy. Something has to give.